You do not know what you ask – Father Gavril Galev
Sunday of Saint Mary of Egypt
Mark 10, 32–45
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“You do not know what you ask” is the answer which the Lord Jesus Christ gave to his disciples James and John and which after two thousand years is still relevant. In them we can also recognise ourselves, because even after two thousand years, still nothing has changed. God announces at the very beginning why He came, and we find ourselves in a state of blindness, confusion, ignorance and we still know not that which we are seeking (asking). If we knew what we were seeking, the world and our lives would have been completely different.
The world did not know God, it did not recognise Him during His time on earth, and it also does not know Him today, and therefore it thinks that there should be different rules than the ones He gave us. Those rules are dictated to us as a way of living. The spirit of those rules is pride, vanity, a high opinion of oneself, careerism, capitalism, hedonism, etc. In a word, egoism or service to myself alone.
It is from this source that all those ignoble relationships between people come from, contempt and disdain, insensitivity, oppression, worthlessness, malice, envy, jealousy, gossip, etc. That is why God gives a different rule, and that is the rule in which those who want to be first shall be last, and those who want to lord over others shall be slaves.
And it is true. All our problems, our personal (whosoever it might be) and of the community in general, originate from this, from the high opinion we have of ourselves, the exaltation of ourselves and taking the first place. When we place ourselves on that pedestal, when we are also so-called “masters” and “gods”, then everything turns upside down.
Because we, as a human race in fact, are despicable. We humans mocked Christ. We beat Him, spat on Him, and crucified Him shamefully. Do not think that if we were there than, we would have not done the same thing? We show this with our sins and deviation from Him. The same with our wrong behaviour towards our neighbours is an undeniable fact that we are sinful, and that we actually do not deserve anything good.
And when we perceive all this, instead of humbling ourselves and repenting, in order not to feel defeated, we look (ask) for something that is imprudent. You see, these two brothers who, after God had declared what would happen to Him, desired not to lose anything from this world, and asked to sit at His left and right hand in His glory. However, in order to sit in His glory, it is necessary first of all to cross the passage, which is the cross. In order to reach the resurrection, we have to go through Golgotha. For there is no resurrection without Golgotha. There is no purification of passions without suffering, there is no salvation of sinners without suffering. That is why we also willingly accept those rules of spiritual life which are immutable. The example of the Saint whom we commemorate today, Saint Mary of Egypt testifies to that.
While she lived in this world she was a sinner, and obviously she was obsessed with vanity, with pride, and most of all, she was a slave to fornication and adultery. This occurred solely because she considered herself to be something, someone of importance. She desired to rule over people. To have them and possess them. But later, after she became a slave to satan and sin, she realised that she had deceived herself. By desiring to have everything (all those people), she lost herself.
But, after she came to her senses, when she saw that all who came to prostrate (worship) before the Holy Cross in the temple of the Theotokos, entered freely, and she was not able to freely enter, she repented and realised that she carried the guilt within herself. She realised that she was the obstacle, her sinful life, the sin she carried inside her and that prevented her to come and worship God.
It should be known that God does love us, but He does not love our sins. Our sins are abhorrent to Him. Impurity cannot dwell in the place of purity and holiness. Then she realised once and for all that, if here on earth she cannot be worthy to enter His temple (clearly she was not), therefore, her ability to enter the heavenly and eternal temple would be even less, and that she needs to participate in an ascetic struggle in order to redeem (correct) herself. Then she truly repented and made a definitive decision to change her life. She confessed and went to the desert and lived there until the end of her life in privation and poverty.
All the sufferings and torments she endured remain a mystery to our minds, and we can only guess. But she perfected herself so much, and gave her life to God’s mercy, that she surpassed all the human race. She overcame the laws of nature, and angels served her. That is why she is one of the most respected in the Orthodox Church. More precisely, it is written in her hagiography, which is usually read in churches during the Great Lent, and, we should all read it regularly at home. Especially those who struggle with passion of lust, should also pray to her.
But as I said, she followed Christ, chose His way, the way of suffering, the way of self-denial, the way of humility, the struggle within and taking up the last place.
So we should not be imprudent like these two brothers who did not know what they were asking for. In seeking to be the first we will always see a potential enemy in everyone and we will have bad and sinful thoughts towards him. And not only that, but we will also find ourselves lonely, because we will think that everyone is against us and no one understands us, – because the whole world cannot serve us and we cannot always be right. That is when conflicts arise within and outside of oneself.
However, when we sit in the last place, then it is completely different. Then things turn to the Divine, to the side full of grace. By the very fact that we humble ourselves, that we stand in the last place, we sit in Christ’s place, “For the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and (to) give His soul as a ransom for many.” When we sit down in the last place, we will see a saint in everyone, we will see a brother and we will love him with all our heart. Then everything is easier, and then peace will reign (within us and outside of us).
That is why we should love each other. Not to love ourselves without others, but to love ourselves only with others. Let us accept each other with all our imperfections and virtues because God created us for community. God is also the Holy Trinity, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. He is not alone, but Three Persons who love each other immensely and give Themselves completely to each other. We were also created for a community, through that community we will know ourselves, through that community we will make sense of ourselves and we will save ourselves, and that community is the Church of Christ. That is why we should live a virtuous, grateful, sacerdotal (ecclesiastic), ascetic-hesychastic life in the Church…to live the life of Christ in His Church, unconditionally, cross-loving surrendered to God and Neighbour.
The other apostles, when they heard the denunciation of these two who asked to sit on His left and right side, began to complain. And that means that they themselves had some such desires lurking in their heart. Indeed, we all have such desires, unfortunately, to be the first, to show off, to be honoured by others, etc. But God said for whom it is prepared, it is prepared for those who are ready to take up their cross and follow Christ. And that is only through the path of humility, through the path of personal sacrifice, through the path of love and the personal perfection of our relationships with God and our neighbour.
Christ did not wait for someone else to come to save the world, but He offered Himself as a sacrifice for the salvation of the world and to give us all the gifts that God has prepared for us, to lift up our fallen nature, and set it where it should be. Thus, we should not wait for someone else to change, the whole world to change, and after that for us to be the last to change. No, in this we should be the first. Let us be the first in the love we offer, in the humiliation that we undergo, in the acceptance of others, in the patience, in the self-sacrifice of ourselves ahead of others. That is actually the essential meaning of the words: “It is for those for whom it is prepared to sit on my right hand and on my left”. Only those who are ready to be baptised with His baptism and drink from the cup from which He drinks, that is, those who will participate in His sufferings, will be able to sit next to Christ in His Kingdom. It is not any other way, and it cannot be, and it will not be. Until we take this cross as a rule, as our personal rule, until then we will be in darkness and confusion and we will not know what we are looking (asking) for.
May the Lord Jesus Christ, through our acts of following the example and prayers of this holy and venerable mother of ours, Mary, who gave us the example of how we should live in repentance and asceticism, grant us her repentance and help us in our struggle to endure to the end and be worthy to sit at the right hand of Christ in His Kingdom. Amen.
Father Gavril Galev
Abbot of the Monastery “St. Kliment Ohridski”,
Kinglake, Melbourne, Australia
18.04.2020
