Peter’s Cry – Father Gavril Galev
~+~
“Do you love Me?” “Yes, Lord, you know that I love You.”
After St. Apostle Peter denied Christ three times, and after the rooster’s song (crow), as it was said, his conscience awoke, and he wept bitterly. Why did it happen? Because of having too much faith in himself instead of having faith in the Lord. Because of the self-confidence. The Lord, (Who) knows the hearts of all, had already warned the disciples that when the temptation comes, he would be forsaken. Peter then, confidently and proudly, disagrees with Him and hurriedly said that even if all of them stumble ( renounce Him) because of Him, he would never leave Him. “Assuredly, I say to you, that today, even this night, before the rooster crows twice, you will deny me tree times ” (Mark 14:30). Why does He, the Lord, recognises weakness, human’s overconfidence (conceit), because “the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak?” (Mark 14:38).
Temptation comes, the Lord hides, grace withdraws, and Peter denies Christ. The rooster crows, his conscience awakes, Peter remembers his sin and weeps bitterly. He is grieving and crying because he has renounced Christ. While Christ was with him, that is, while he had the grace of God in him, he boldly said that he would be with Christ and die for Him, and when the grace was hidden he denied Him three times.
After renouncing his Master and God, he felt the emptiness in his heart and the repentant cry entered in him, through which he sought the omitted Lord. Day and night he was calling in the depths of his vacant heart: Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me!
And when he heard about His Resurrection, he hurriedly ran first to see Him and to fall at His feet asking for forgiveness. Peter and John ran together. Peter and John – repentance and love. Is there love without repentance? Love without repentance is not love but delusion, passion. And he cried calling again and again: Where are You, Jesus? Where are You, Jesus, my God? And He was nowhere to be found. He ran to the tomb and he only found His linen cloth laid in it.
Hard work, effort, zeal, repentant cry are the steps to Him. We need to look for Him in order to find Him. And again nothing and again crying, but this time with a light of hope that He is here and will appear from somewhere.
What filled Peter’s heart and what was going on in his soul when Christ came, when He appeared before him, and when he saw his God and Saviour again? When did God give him another chance to repent? A new life has taken place. New hope. New love. Three times, in accordance to the three-times denial, He asks: “Do you love Me?” “Yes, Lord, you know That I love You.” And again God received Peter and Peter received God. And the immeasurable sweetest grace of God settled in his heart, and then he wanted to be alone with the Lord. Even the disciple (John) whom the Lord loved, bothered him (John 21, 21). And only then the Lord allowed him to follow Him. He sends him on a mission.
How can we interpret these events, if not for the fact that we all renounce Christ daily because of our sins. Sin is a deviation from Christ, from God. But God is merciful, God is love, and He has given us a way how to direct our sinful lives through repentance and love. The fall of Peter is not accidental. The Lord, (Who) knows the hearts of all, by offering Himself to us then and now, through our falls directs us. Because without God and without His grace, we cannot do anything.
We all need God, we all want to find God and we all want to be with God. And God has chosen our heart as His home, and there we should seek Him. He is concealed (hidden, berried) from the multitude of our passions in it(the heart), He is waiting for us to find Him. Repentant cry is the first step on the ladder towards Him, and uttering the Jesus prayer: Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me ceaselessly in His dwelling (the heart) is the way of building a personal relationship (communion) with Him.
And when you find Him, you want to be alone with Him, you want to fall at His faultless feet, to embrace Him and to have Him.
That is why St. Peter said, “But Lord what about this man (John)?”
Lord Jesus Christ, through the prayers of the Holy Apostle Peter, have mercy on me.
Father Gavril Galev
